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Literature Text
"You'll never get away with this," Anna furiously gasped from the floor on which Hans had left her to die.
"Oh, Anna, I just did," Hans said with an evil smirk as he closed the door shut and locked it tight.
The prince placed the key in his pocket (good thing he had made an effort to get that key earlier in case he needed it!), and walked down the hall. In the royal council room, the Duke and a whole bunch of other horrible people who were eager for him to give the go-ahead to kill Queen Elsa were waiting for him.
He collected himself and put on his best "sad Hans face." Man, all of those acting lessons he had taken during his youth were really paying off now!
"Princess Anna is...dead," he lied to them, placing a hand over his heart. "She was killed...by Queen Elsa!"
"Her own sister," the Duke said, apparently acting sad, but really, that guy was glad this had happened, because it meant there was an excuse to have Elsa executed now.
It took everything in Hans' power not to grin just then. He knew that he was only moments away from his victory, and these idiots were all too willing to buy into every single one of his lies. All he had to do was pass the death sentence, and...
"So where's the body?" asked that fat guy with the German accent.
"What?" went Hans.
"The body," repeated that fat guy. "We'd like to see it."
"Um..." went Hans nervously. "You can't! She...um...melted. Into a puddle. I wouldn't want for you guys to slip or anything."
"She melted?" asked another of those guys in the room. Hans had no idea if any of these men actually had names or not.
"Yes, she melted," answered Hans. "Turned to ice, she was by the fire, it all happened very quickly Now stop asking dumb questions!"
Hans took a deep breath. He was going to let the performance fall apart if he wasn't careful.
"At least we got to say our marriage vows," he said sadly. "Before she died...in my arms."
"Who performed the marriage?"
"What?"
"Who performed the marriage? I mean, you can't have a marriage without at least one witness..."
"Um..." went Hans. He was really starting to hate this fat guy with the German accent. "We...uh...there was a snowman. He was there. And God performed the marriage. Or...whatever higher power it is that we worship in this movie..."
"That doesn't make any sense," said another of those guys (he may have been French). "I mean, why do you expect us to trust you with a story that's that piss poor?"
"With a heavy heart," said Hans, deciding that ignoring his comments were the best way to go. "I charge Queen Elsa with treason, and sentence her to death."
"Treason?!" went the Duke of all people. "What the heck are you talking about?! She's the QUEEN! How on earth can you charge the queen with treason in her own kingdom?!"
"I thought you wanted her dead," growled Hans.
"I was just going to have her murdered the old fashioned way," said the Duke. "Until you....rescued her for some reason...even though you want her dead now..."
"Enough of this!" said Hans. "Yo, soldiers who have sworn to protect Queen Elsa at all costs? Please go help me murder Queen Elsa at all costs!"
None of them obeyed him. Hans could feel himself sweating.
Before he even knew what was happening, the soldiers grabbed Hans, released Elsa from the prison cell where he had put her for committing no crimes, and put him in there instead. Olaf, meanwhile, gave Anna a big warm hug, which thawed her frozen heart. After seeing this, Elsa realized that hugs had the power of melting snow, and went on to hug everything and everyone in the kingdom. It took a very long time, but it got the job done! So Anna married Kristoff, Olaf married Sven, Hans went to prison, and Elsa sang the Oscar-winning song "I Wish to Hug my Kingdom," which was also performed by Celine Dion during the end credits. The End.
"Oh, Anna, I just did," Hans said with an evil smirk as he closed the door shut and locked it tight.
The prince placed the key in his pocket (good thing he had made an effort to get that key earlier in case he needed it!), and walked down the hall. In the royal council room, the Duke and a whole bunch of other horrible people who were eager for him to give the go-ahead to kill Queen Elsa were waiting for him.
He collected himself and put on his best "sad Hans face." Man, all of those acting lessons he had taken during his youth were really paying off now!
"Princess Anna is...dead," he lied to them, placing a hand over his heart. "She was killed...by Queen Elsa!"
"Her own sister," the Duke said, apparently acting sad, but really, that guy was glad this had happened, because it meant there was an excuse to have Elsa executed now.
It took everything in Hans' power not to grin just then. He knew that he was only moments away from his victory, and these idiots were all too willing to buy into every single one of his lies. All he had to do was pass the death sentence, and...
"So where's the body?" asked that fat guy with the German accent.
"What?" went Hans.
"The body," repeated that fat guy. "We'd like to see it."
"Um..." went Hans nervously. "You can't! She...um...melted. Into a puddle. I wouldn't want for you guys to slip or anything."
"She melted?" asked another of those guys in the room. Hans had no idea if any of these men actually had names or not.
"Yes, she melted," answered Hans. "Turned to ice, she was by the fire, it all happened very quickly Now stop asking dumb questions!"
Hans took a deep breath. He was going to let the performance fall apart if he wasn't careful.
"At least we got to say our marriage vows," he said sadly. "Before she died...in my arms."
"Who performed the marriage?"
"What?"
"Who performed the marriage? I mean, you can't have a marriage without at least one witness..."
"Um..." went Hans. He was really starting to hate this fat guy with the German accent. "We...uh...there was a snowman. He was there. And God performed the marriage. Or...whatever higher power it is that we worship in this movie..."
"That doesn't make any sense," said another of those guys (he may have been French). "I mean, why do you expect us to trust you with a story that's that piss poor?"
"With a heavy heart," said Hans, deciding that ignoring his comments were the best way to go. "I charge Queen Elsa with treason, and sentence her to death."
"Treason?!" went the Duke of all people. "What the heck are you talking about?! She's the QUEEN! How on earth can you charge the queen with treason in her own kingdom?!"
"I thought you wanted her dead," growled Hans.
"I was just going to have her murdered the old fashioned way," said the Duke. "Until you....rescued her for some reason...even though you want her dead now..."
"Enough of this!" said Hans. "Yo, soldiers who have sworn to protect Queen Elsa at all costs? Please go help me murder Queen Elsa at all costs!"
None of them obeyed him. Hans could feel himself sweating.
Before he even knew what was happening, the soldiers grabbed Hans, released Elsa from the prison cell where he had put her for committing no crimes, and put him in there instead. Olaf, meanwhile, gave Anna a big warm hug, which thawed her frozen heart. After seeing this, Elsa realized that hugs had the power of melting snow, and went on to hug everything and everyone in the kingdom. It took a very long time, but it got the job done! So Anna married Kristoff, Olaf married Sven, Hans went to prison, and Elsa sang the Oscar-winning song "I Wish to Hug my Kingdom," which was also performed by Celine Dion during the end credits. The End.
This is an entry for a contest. Obviously, this is meant to just be silly. Also, I don't own Frozen. Disney does. Enjoy.
And...wow! Was not expecting this to get such an enthusiastic response from people. Thanks for all of the nice comments, everyone!
And...wow! Was not expecting this to get such an enthusiastic response from people. Thanks for all of the nice comments, everyone!
© 2014 - 2024 ScratStitch
Comments91
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There is a lot of good points here!.
The more I think about the movie, the less sense it makes!. I absolutely love Frozen, but the movie seems like it was thrown together with very little thought. Hans literally had no idea how he was going to take over Arendelle...
The more I think about the movie, the less sense it makes!. I absolutely love Frozen, but the movie seems like it was thrown together with very little thought. Hans literally had no idea how he was going to take over Arendelle...