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August 23
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My father walks over to me
"Korra, you should go inside"
I thought that he had killed him
But I was the one who died

He wheels me around gently
"Korra, you're going to be okay"
I want to tell him how grateful I am
But there is nothing I can say

My other father walks over to me
"Korra, you're going to be fine"
He's a man who I owe everything
For his spirit is nothing like mine

He speaks very highly of a ghost
"Avatar Korra saved the day!"
I want to tell him that he is the hero
But there is nothing I can say

My friend walks over to me
"Korra, you beat him by a mile!"
He tries to cheer me up with a joke
But the dead are unable to smile

He doesn't know how gone I am
"Korra, you're going to be okay"
I want to tell him how strong he is
But there is nothing I can say

He walks over to me
"Korra, I know you'll be fine"
He's put a shield around himself
So his spirit won't break like mine

I know how badly he wants to help
He comes here every day
He tries to give me comfort
But there is nothing he can say

The posers are the worst
The ones who lie through their teeth
Those who wear masks that they call grins
To conceal what's underneath

"Korra, we need you once again!
Forgive me for what I said!"
How silly for him to show false remorse
To someone who's already dead

The hours crawl by
The days seem rushed
I have no sense of time
I'm being punished
I know I am
For the failure that was my crime

The poison inside me has no cure
It's performed its twisted deed
But who can mourn for an Avatar
For which the world has no need?

She walks over to me
"Korra, we have to go away"
She's the only one who's honest
She knows I have nothing to say

She wheels me around gently
"Korra, let's do this for her sake"
She reminds me of my only motive
To try in vain to hide this heartache

They all walk over to me
"Korra, you're going to be okay"
I want to declare my pride for her
But there is nothing I can say

Her soul is so radiant
Her heart is so pure
She could be mistaken for sunshine

I know that her spirit will never be broken
For her spirit is stronger than mine

The tear finally arrives
It glides down my cheek
It's certainly taken its time

Each tear is a blessing
They are all I have left
For I will never be fine
Season 3 Spoilers!!!

So...the final scene in Venom of the Red Lotus really got to me in a big way. Korra being that down and broken after everything she had been through was just heartbreaking, and the last shot of the tear going down her cheek was just....wow, I'd better stop before I make myself sad again.

I think that the poem pretty much explains itself if you've seen the episode. I'm not sure how I feel about this one, but I wanted to get this written while the impact of the scene was still fresh in my mind. I may do another like this later. We will see.

I would like for this to be reviewed by :iconwriters--club: Does the tone of the poem work effectively? Does it work even if you are not familiar with The Legend of Korra? What other thoughts do you have?

I do not own The Legend of Korra, obviously. Nick does.
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:iconangelenroute:
angelenroute Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2014  Professional Writer
Hi, Sean here from We-Poets FINALLY stopping by with the critique you requested.

There are a lot of edits and suggested edits here, but please don't be overwhelmed.  I'm just thorough and trying to show you what could be improved.

My other father walks over to me
***Consider dropping "to me"

He's a man who I owe everything
***Drop "who", will read same and read easier

I want to tell him that he is the hero
***Drop "that"

But the dead are unable to smile
***Consider changing to "But the dead just can't smile" for better rhythm

So his spirit won't break like mine
***Consider changing "spirit" to "soul" for better flow

The posers are the worst
The ones who lie through their teeth
Those who wear masks that they call grins
To conceal what's underneath
***This stanza feels clunkier than the others.  I'd suggest you count your syllables and see if you can even some verses out better.  Note the syllable counts of those four lines:
The posers are the worst (6)
The ones who lie through their teeth (7)
Those who wear masks that they call grins (8)
To conceal what's underneath (7)
***Looks like shortening the third line to 6 syllables would help it a lot.

How silly for him to show false remorse
To someone who's already dead
***Delete "false" and change "someone" to "one"

The hours crawl by
The days seem rushed
I have no sense of time
I'm being punished
I know I am
For the failure that was my crime
**I don't think "punished" and "rushed" work well as rhymes here, and by changing this to 5 lines, it doesn't work like the others do.

For which the world has no need?
***Syllable count okay and rhyme, but feels like it could be improved when I read the stanza straight though, just feels clunkier than it could be.

She wheels me around gently
"Korra, let's do this for her sake"
She reminds me of my only motive
To try in vain to hide this heartache
***Some syllable counting needed here.

Her soul is so radiant
Her heart is so pure
She could be mistaken for sunshine

I know that her spirit will never be broken
For her spirit is stronger than mine
***I think you should make "Will never be broken" its own line to match the three lines before it.

Cool poem overall, even though I don't know the show you're referencing.  Great dedication on your part as both fan and poet!
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:iconcopper9lives:
copper9lives Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, alas... a fan-work! I am utterly unfamiliar with the series... so I kept reading, waiting for the poem itself to explain what had happened!

So here is my critique:
1) The first 10 stanzas were VERY well written — the repetition and the meter built a real sense of expectation of some awful tragedy...
2) When you broke the pattern, it was jarring
3) PLEASE can you rework this so that it is self-explanatory, for those of us not a part of the fandom?

Again, I really loved the way you started this... :clap:
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:icondashofwriter:
dashofwriter Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014  Student Writer
Omg I just watched the last episode today and I was heartbroken, I was literally like 'no Korra no'! I've had my moments where I kinda disliked Korra and how she went about making decisions but on the whole I love her and that scene was just too much. It's as if she thinks 'yea the world doesn't need me anymore'. Really Sad :sad: 
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:iconscratstitch:
ScratStitch Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014
Thank you. :) And yeah, I was heartbroken too (still am, actually).
Reply
:iconcoolrose60:
Coolrose60 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
KORRASAMI FEELZ COMING B)

Good job <3
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:iconscratstitch:
ScratStitch Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014
Korrasami. Is that what they call it?

And thank you. :)
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:iconcoolrose60:
Coolrose60 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014
Yea :XD:

and no problem :)
Reply
:iconthecheshirebat:
Thecheshirebat Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is crazy bitter-sweet, I love it!

I feel like that scene is going to be on a lot of people's minds for a very long time!
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:iconscratstitch:
ScratStitch Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
Hey, thank you. :) I wasn't sure about this one at first, but I'm actually happy with how it turned out.

And yeah, that scene is going to be in my mind for quite a while.
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:iconmadhearts:
MadHearts Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
( TT ^ TT ) .....DON'T WORRY KORRA'CHAN! ME AN MY DINOSAUR ARMY WILL FIGHT BESIDE YOU!!! 
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